When someone prefaces a statement by saying, "To be honest with you," "To be perfectly honest with you," or "Can I be honest with you?" what does it mean? Lately--and perhaps because I've heard it quite a bit from one particular person-- it's made me think that this person is getting ready to tell me a partial truth (a lie!). Either that, or in other conversation he hasn't been honest, but this time he's decided that'll he'll go ahead and be honest, tell the truth. Or maybe he's just trying to convince himself that he has good reason to not be completely transparent, to tell a "white" lie, to twist things just a bit. Whatever it is, I think it makes me more suspicious about what I'm going to hear, and about the person in general, than if the phrase hadn't been used at all.
3 comments:
My first thought was that "to be honest with you" might preface something he supposes you may not be entirely eager to hear. Like, "To be honest with you, I'm not too fond of your lasagna," or something. When I saw the title of this post I worried, in fact, that perhaps you were about to make a difficult revelation yourself. But you have reason to believe that's not the case here?
What sort of statements has he made after the preface? (Not knowing the context), I don't think I would ever have supposed that "to be honest" meant just the opposite. I've used it from time to time myself, and it's always preceded a truth I was hesitant to express. It almost reminds me of "No offense, but..." but less obnoxious.
Am I way off? Maybe it's just a habit he's gotten into. But you must have some reason to suspect untruthfulness?
Thanks for your insight, Aaron. With most people, "to be honest" probably does precede something a person is somewhat hesitant to say. A way of softening the blow or preparing the receiver. I think I was feeling otherwise when I wrote what I did as I don't particularly trust the person I referred to.
I suppose the use of the phrase could be a habit, as you suggested. Many people add a lot "you know"s and "like"s to what they say, and most of the time probably don't even realize they're doing it. It could be like that!
My comment is to trust your instincts Karen--I have found they are usually right.
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